Why I'm Not Posting a Blog Today (Yeah, Again)

Summer 2014

 

I should tell you about my Egypt-themed story published in October 2014's Highlight's for Children. Or meeting with a lovely (ma sha' allah) Qatari woman and her female relatives in a gold, silver and mirror lined majlis as part of the American Women's Association/Qatari Women's Association "language buddies" program. Learning conversational Arabic in Kansas City. Or what it's like to live in the heart of the Middle East during a crisis period.

 

Katie and Krissy snuggle

Summer 2014

 

I could write about Qatar's falcons and how these birds get their own business class airplane seats. Or about shopping for groceries in a place that doesn't produce its own produce. Or what it's like to sit in one airplane for 16 3/4 hours, nonstop. And why some expat women in the Middle East take up drinking.

 

Or perhaps:

 

Desert Rose Hunting

When Humidity Set Off My Fire Alarm

Sounds of Doha (Traffic Redux)

Why I am not Muslim

 

my babies
omg I love them

 

Sigh. Yeah, I know. I should write a blog today.

 

Killian
adorbs

 

Krissy

tutu perfect

 

But doggone. I'm 16 3/4 hours from home - and five of the most beautiful people ever.

 

these faces

 

Seriously. Wouldn't you be distracted too?

Expat Wife Life: Missing Who's Missing

summer 2014: laughter, love,

a house full of beautiful babies

 

To expats, missing is a living, breathing, moist and fresh word with long, sticky fingers. It links head to heart, toddling the gray matter so the heart is always thinking. Before each trip, whether traveling to or fro, we haul missing out, rub it off and try not to watch as the object of missing's affections changes.

No matter where we are, expats are always missing someone. 

Summer 2014 it's been this guy:

 

Bob at the Singing Dunes

 

It helps to look forward to the next adventure. For example, also missing is the singing dunes, souk, the folks at Fanar, Arabic. West Bank vistas from Islamic Museum Park, a jog around the Corniche, the-latest-unique-thing-on-display at the Alriwaq exhibit hall, shopping; the adventure that is driving in Doha.

 

Missing is the Call to Prayer that circles the city five times a day, a reminder via regularly spaced mosques to pause in the day's busy-ness to recognize, thank and praise God. Each invitation begins at a slightly different moment - the result is a rich mix of spiritually uplifting dissonance that fills one's senses like just baked bread.

 

minaret, Grand Mosque

West Bay in background

 

I like it.

 

I miss monthly get-togethers with the fabulous Burns & McDonnell ladies and babies, dark early morning skies and the bright upside down moon. Beach sun (although I no longer bask), steamy sand, long sleeved slogs around the Pearl's bay in 115F temps followed by a dip in the resort pool. A clean apartment every Thursday, Fridays with my guy, camp outs at the Inland Sea, treks into the desert.

 

In Doha, celebrity events are comparatively inexpensive (and free). World class tennis, soccer, film and art festivals are accessible. Comedian Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias, Yusuf Islam (aka Cat Stevens), and Maz Jobrani have headlined Doha in the last 3 years. There's Mr. Q, Arabic class, the fabulous people at Weill Cornell Medical Center, halloumi cheese at Zaatar w Zeit, family dinner at Turkey Central, Nabil and the Sheikh's museum.

 

 

Dubai's beaches, golf courses, and sites like the Burj Khalifa are an inexpensive 45 minute flight away. It's a quick hop to weekend (or longer) adventures in Muscat, London, Athens, Barcelona, Dublin, Rome, Amsterdam too.

 

Just as life in Doha isn't all sand, grit and empty-shelves-at-the-Carrefour, a stint stateside isn't all perfection. There are weeds, bugs, dirty laundry, trash to take out, cars and dryers that break down, a crowd of babies in the bathroom, high gas prices, a towering, government owned, dead tree in the yard next door.

 

None of which eases this next - rapidly approaching - round of missing.

 

Kansas City Northern Railroad Co.
riding a kid-sized train with three of my babies

I'll be missing them soon

East to Midwest Across America

An American journalist is decapitated in Syria, Israel and Palestine bomb one another and racial tension explodes into gunfire in Ferguson, Missouri. Women aren't allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia and prejudice is a way of life in Qatar.

 

But when smoke bursts from Katie's car outside the Walgreens in Greenville, North Carolina, the world's problems seem very far away.

 

all her worldly possessions trunk to lid

the most important are two thin sheets of paper that say:

"Master's Degree" and "Registered Dietitian"

(car for sale soon)

 

Something pops and thick brown fluid gushes onto the tarry road. Before we're free of the steaming vehicle, a woman in a black Ford Explorer headed the opposite direction stops. She leaves her own car in the street as I raise Katie's hood. "Yo' radiatah is done, see raht thayah?" She removes the cigarette dangling between her teeth, and uses it to point. "Ya'll goan in the Auto Zone and see they kin hep."

 

In the Auto Zone, employees with names embroidered into red collared shirts leap into action. Sherwood* proclaims a broken heater hose the culprit as he single handedly pushes Katie's car out of traffic. Sue* calls auto repair shops. The one her sister works at is busy but we "ought to call over to Elronda at the Meineke."

 

No fewer than seven cars and trucks stop as we wait for AAA on a curb near a field. "Ya'll need help? What's the trouble? Ah noticed you, thought ah'd see you're okay."

 

waiting for AAA in bucolic North Carolina

 

In America's east, country towns and metropolitan cities are linked by tree covered mountains, glorious azure skies and acres of rolling, green fields. There are good friends…

 

three years together ends

a lifetime of friendship ahead

 

…Washington, DC with its waterfront, monuments and a beautiful woman who offers weary friends elegant hospitality and soft, pillowed beds.

 

with wonderful Mary Ann

lifetime of friendship continues

 

There is Angel Gap, North Carolina with log cabin shops under pines so tall that clouds drift in and out of branches. Populations come in both black and white in nearly equal proportions, say "dang, ya'all" and "ah" instead of "I." There are slow moving tractors, freeways, country roads…

 

 

…villages named for the scenery and businesses christened for people: Shady Spring, Skitter Creek, Laura's Restaurant, Peter's Orchard and Fruit Stand. There is summer rain, country music, the Seneca Nation and a 20-ish foot tall, thousand pound Indian Statue.

 

The Post Journal, Jamestown, NY

 

Fog skitters across dewy highways and the air smells of intermittent rain, sunshine and hay. Road signs announce "Beef and Ice Cream," "When You Die You Will Meet God," "Buckle Up - Next Million Miles." Tiny towns seem to have more churches than people; cows, goats and chickens frolic in front yards.

 

So. Much. Green.

 

every picture I take looks like this

 

and this

 

Everywhere, all across the country, billboards feature Starbucks, Walmart, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King and Cracker Barrel's pinto beans and corn bread.

 

The mountains of North Carolina and the Virginias ease into Kentucky, where horses graze in fields crisscrossed by rail fences; settle into the tree lined hills of Illinois and Missouri - until finally the world flattens and becomes Kansas.

 

not Kansas

 

But first Katie's car would need a new radiator, thermostat, battery and Sherwood's hoses.

 

As the good natured folks at Meineke's manage Katie's car repair (lifetime warranty!), we wander streets without side or crosswalks, eat lunch at a gas station and tour a Sam's Club.

 

Later, a mother and her four children join us in the Meineke waiting area. "Kin ah have a quarter?" says Little Boy, palm raised.

 

"It's mah birthday next week," says Little Girl. "Ah'll be seven." She faces me, but nods at Katie. "Ah you her mommy?"

 

I'm her mommy

 

It may or may not be true that Americans are fast food fat and geographically illiterate. Perhaps our high school graduates can't pick out Azerbaijan on a map, outline the history of Syria or do simple math - and, in contrast to Qatar's children, most of us *only* speak one language. We have social, economic and employment issues like every other country across the globe.

 

But where pines march up mountains into blue skies and everyday folks sip coffee while waiting for buses on grassy streets; here, deep at its heart - I think America is pretty dang great.

 

As her mother and four older brothers watch, Little Girl opens her arms wide and wraps us up. First she hugs Katie, then me.

 

 

*true story, real names

Twelve Days in Doha: Adventure and Hot

silver and gold hangin' out in Doha

 

It's been a particularly warm May week in Doha with unseasonable temps exceeding 115F. Air like this translates to sweat drenched tee shirts, soggy undies, fogged glasses, beaded skin and high ponytails over rash prickled necks - before 9am.

 

West Bay skyline at night from our pool deck - not in the sun in Doha

 

Hot like this means a bright, yellow fireball halfway to the sky by 4am, burning sand, blazing sun, indoor activities and afternoon naps. Still, creative, dedicated gadabouts may find one or two interesting ways to entertain themselves. Like for example:

 

father/daughter shopping time

 

Wander shaded souk alleyways, bargain with shopkeepers and dig into stacks of plastic wrapped Pashminas as the bracelet maker melts colored blocks of wax; tour the gold/fabric/spice souks for jewelry, baskets, pans, dishes, tea and coffee sets, candy, jelabia, abaya, keffiya (deep breath) and more…

 

bargaining with the basket guy

 

Chat with camels beside a forever-under-renovation downtown fort, below a never ending line of sky infesting construction cranes, near a job site office full of interesting people from all over the world, especially Missouri…

 

some of the best buncha people ever
(missing Ben, Aaron, Tom-on vacay and Ed-who'd stepped away)

 

Eat, drink, cook, eat, read, wash dishes, eat, do laundry, eat, eat, eat.

 

"family room" at the shwarma place

 

Visit museums like the one dedicated to Mshiereb's Heart of Doha downtown renovation project (ie, our reason for being here), located on a barge docked along a tree and flower lined Corniche; view videos, pearl diving memorabilia and historical photos and a model of the gargantuan endeavor…

 

one of three fabulous works of art, created by Bob and Cindi

(genetics underwritten by Charlie and Peggy and Dan and Kitty)

 

Tour IM Pei's famous Museum of Islamic Art (MIA) to see cool stuff from the Middle East and beyond…

 

Kings and Pawns: Board Games from India to Spain

now at Doha's Museum of Islamic Art

 

See Sheikh Faisal Bin Qassim Al Thani's popular private collection of historic Qatari memorabilia and eclectic wonderment (click here to read more about the museum), including cars, planes, boats, tapestries, carpets, tents, a real well, swords, knives, photographs, paintings, doors, walls, Catholic vestments, a full sized confessional booth; and where an artist will ink your name in Arabic calligraphy for 10QR (about $2.50USD).

 

Mohammed animates Kimberly's name

 

The pyramid shaped Sheraton hotel is closed for remodeling but there are still skylines, Doha Bay dhows, Palm Tree Island, the Singing Dunes. There's beach day at 8:00am, sun kissed skin, salty seas, crossword puzzles. Katara's amphitheater, private art galleries, cart riding and cupcake eating in a cupcake shaped chair wearing let's-do-tea hats and skirts.

 

I like her

 

Indoor and outdoor pools, mani/pedis, Ferrari and Lamborghini; the Pearl, camel race track laps inside an air conditioned SUV, Our Lady of the Rosary Church outdoor grotto, stray cats, waterfalls, candles, prayer and wudu spaces, selfies.

 

in a bathroom at Sheikh Faisal's place

 

Tea in a Qatari home with sisters, cousins, nieces, new friends and Yemeni neighbors. Zubarah fort, sweaty desert treks, an archaeological site, artifact exhibit, sand and rock vistas, ancient walls, watch towers.

 

watch tower is coated with a light layer of concrete
as protection from sand and wind

 

Fanar, Shaheen's, Starbucks Frappuccino's, shwarma, tabbouleh, hummus, jasmine tea, Arabic coffee, food sharing at Turkey Central, lunch in a window-less backroom, waiting on Bob.

 

architectural demonstration: laying down the law, negotiation

 

Lessons in Islamic prayer and fasting during Ramadan in a Qatari home majlis surrounded by Qatari ladies and women from all over the world. Abayas, sheylas and the Ibn Abdul Wahhab Masjid - Doha's Grand Mosque.

 

inside the Ibn Abdul Wahhab Masjid, Doha's Grand Mosque

 

Because, after all, psshhhh, really, c'mon: what's a bit of blazing sky, sauna air, shimmering horizon and searing, scalding, burning sun when there's adventure to be lived?

"…Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance: I hope you dance…"

- from "I Hope You Dance" written by Mark D. Sanders and Tia Sillers

popularly performed by Lee Ann Womack

Middle Eastern Mother-in-Law

"You should throw her from the plane."

-Middle Eastern woman joking about a mother in law's visit

 

"I must cover at home to respect my mother in law."

-Asian Muslim woman married to a Middle Eastern man

 

"I'm not allowed to do any of the cooking because my mother in law doesn't like it."

-Asian Muslim woman married to a Middle Eastern man, lives in her mother-in-law's home

 

"All of the first daughters in my family are named after my mother-in-law."

-Qatari woman

 

"HOWARD! I need to pee!"

-Big Bang Theory's Mrs. Wolowitz calling to her son

 

Mothers and Mothers-in-Law: Peggy, Cindi, Kitty

twenty-nine years of successful family and relationship building

 

I'm lucky. I have a great mom and mom-in-law (MIL) who paved the way for their children to create strong families by example: supporting fledgling son- and daughter-in-laws, encouraging independence, loving, lifting, inspiring - and breaking down stereotypes.

 

my beautiful mom, Peggy S. Hedrick: smart, fabulous, kind, generous, wife/mom/MIL and lawyer, married 59 years to my dad: builds and supports, lifts and encourages, no stereotype

Learn more about this amazing woman at: http://www.peggyhedrick.com

 

You know the stereotype I'm talking about: the classic Western MIL: her mother. The jealous, self-centered shrew who wedges her way between the young couple in a passive aggressive battle for her daughter's (and grandchildren's) affections. Who locks out the less powerful his mother lower-case mil and undermines the youthful pair's bond through manipulation of the mother-daughter relationship - even as she breezes through husbands in her own world.

 

In dating, marriage and life, the woman controls the children, supplies the family's energy or lack of it, coordinates structure (or lack of it), nurtures a foundation or opens the door to quicksand. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

 

Thus, in the West, at least - if Mama's Mama ain't happy - and especially if she's selfish, cruel, mean and unstable - everything else just got a whole lot harder.

 

Kimberly with her Grams, Kitty Kennaley - mom of 8, kind and loving MIL to many,

married 52 years to Dan, no stereotype

 

In the East, as in traditional Qatari culture, his mother is boss.

 

Traditionally, a Qatari bride is expected to leave her home to become part of her husband's family. Newlyweds spend their wedding night - and the first few weeks of marriage - living in a room or suite of rooms in the groom's family home. Modern Qataris sometimes live separate from the family, but, I am told, most eventually occupy a villa within the walled compound that provides living quarters for hubby's parents, brothers, unmarried sisters, cousins, uncles and their families.

 

"We like houses."

-Qatari woman explaining why locals don't live in apartments.

 

This isn't specifically a Qatari, Middle Eastern or Muslim idea - although all mothers are revered in Islam. It's more of an Eastern World thing.

 

In her rooms the young bride is Queen of her universe. Within the larger home and family his mother rules.

 

The arrangement makes sense in this part of the world as a family's social security is locked up in its sons: the responsibility for caring for mom and dad falls to the first born son (and, it follows, his wife). If boy #1 is unable to care for mom and/or dad, he may pass responsibility on to the next son. A married woman is not (officially) liable for the long term welfare of her own parents (habibimatrimonials.com).

 

When a daughter in law moves into his mother's home, her job is to do what his mother wants in the way she wants it done: cooking, not cooking, wearing an abaya to run to the bathroom and back.

 

In the East as in the West, most husbands don't care how the kitchen gets cleaned or who's cooking dinner (or picking it up). Typically there's no power struggle between husbands and wives over who changes baby's diaper (unless nobody's doing it) or decides who's invited to what, when or how. This is because (generally speaking, arguably, in many successful families) the woman does these things - or supervises husband's, maid's or nanny's completion of said activity.

 

In the West, as newly marrieds do not typically live with their parents, a man may not notice there's a classic MIL in place (even if his mother tries to point it out). He's blissfully unaware right up to the minute divorce papers are served…and sometimes beyond.

 

In the East, where Queens are domestically merged, there is friction and most people are quite aware of it. Which is why even the best Middle Eastern mother-in-law inherits (along with the subordinate Queen) a bad rep.

 

serving dinner to my great, loveable, wonderful MIL

 

My husband and I lived with his family for a short period, Middle Eastern style. We had a private room, bathroom and living area with tv. Our baby slept in a crib by our bed. The baby monitor (a device that transmits sound) sat on our night stand while the receiving end was in the kitchen where communal life happened.

 

My beautiful MIL cheerfully offered advice without taking over and let me make mistakes without recrimination. She welcomed my mother, with whom I am very close. When my tiny baby needed surgery, she took me to the doctor's office and held my hand while I cried. She was then, and is now - awesome.

 

hanging at The Pearl's little beach with Kimber and Kitty

 

For the next two weeks my wonderful MIL is living and playing with us in Doha. We'll buy her stuff, take her places, love and serve her and treat her like a Queen. Not because she's in the Middle East where his mother rules. But because she's FANTASTIC.

 

Kitty Kennaley, now in Doha

Why I'm Not Posting a Blog Today: New York Edition

photo credit: Lois Kathryn (Kay) Hedrick, Realtor

(http://kayhedrick.kwrealty.com/)

Introducing Lois Kathryn (Katie) Kennaley, Bachelor/Masters of Science, Dietetics:

 

beautiful Lois Kathryn (Katie) Kennaley

prepares to be hooded

 

Katie graduates from D'Youville College in Buffalo, New York this week after which time she'll study for, take and pass her registration exam and begin job hunting in earnest. We're happy to be present for the big event and much too busy visiting Niagara Falls, shopping at Target, jogging in the puddly-muddly street wearing shorts, eating, drinking and generally being merry to post a blog!

 

Katie's proud family (us) travelled from all over the world to beautifully green, heavily treed, dogwood and cherry blossom (or something like it) sweet, rainy, refreshingly cold Buffalo, New York to welcome Katie to her next life.

 

Chris attends a graduation event via photo

 

To read Katie's resume and learn more about her professional experience in Dietetics, health and nutrition, and maybe consider her for a job in your fine establishment, click here: http://katie.kennaley.com. We're so very proud of Katie and her many accomplishments!